What Are You Wearing? An Homage to The Sunday Times supplements, part 2.

Rural Spaceman, Global Blog Writer.Image

Despite my obvious talent for total fashion chic, I would like to think my ‘everyman’ approach to wardrobe means that I can be noticed without being conspicuous, hence the need for large sunglasses. I’ve worn a purple bow tie for about a year now; this one was purchased from Debenhams. I was most upset that after rummaging about in jumble sales for months, I couldn’t find one. The shirt was an absolute must, a McQueen original from his college days. That’s Graham McQueen, more famous for his connections with Peacocks in town, where he’s now assistant manager. The half trousers were a real steal from our inner city high street designer emporium ‘Stabbing’. The shop doesn’t have lighting, you’re obliged to buy whatever you’re holding when you trip over a sales assistant, before being herded out of the back door next to the kebab shop. Black tights have always been a love of mine. I can feel the impact I have when I walk around my village. The locals find my outfits so stunningly unbelievable I can see them shaking their heads, open mouthed at my incredible sartorial elegance. Occasionally they take photos, which I know they use in order to copy my style, but what can you do?
The leather jacket was a gift from Melody Lane, the bare chested gardener, who would often wear this garment whilst riding over to work on her motorbike, but the vibrations and speed meant that her breasts kept falling out of the armholes, distracting car drivers. After one particularly nasty crash in the lane due to said wardrobe malfunction, the police suggested she wore something else and she gave it to me. My footwear is a completely original idea of mine; they’re called ‘Floppingtons‘, rather loose fitting rubber boots in wonderful colours. They’ve been selling well in my local boutique (£3 500). All my trendy friends have a pair so that they can look unique. My crowning glory is a small pill hat I discovered whilst strolling around the village. The rather backward builder had mistakenly placed it over his mouth and nose, but after I had shown him the correct way to sport said item, he was rather taken aback and told me I could keep it. As I continued on my way, I looked back to see his workmates pointing at me and laughing, obviously pointing out the silly error the builder had made. I felt rather sorry for him.
I shall continue to wow the villagers with my outstanding attention to style and panache, but of course will not demean myself by wearing anything too outrageous. I don’t want to look silly, for goodness’ sake!

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About ruralspaceman

A man trapped inside a middle aged body still tries to be hip and trendy. Actually, no he doesn't. He says it as he sees it. as long as it's not too controversial. Living with his wife, Lady Barton St Mary, two children, Miss Katherine and Master Johnny in Randall Towers, he is constantly frustrated by the mechanisms of modern life and the issues raised by being the husband of a high flying executive and member of the aristocracy. All he wants is a quiet life and a full set of Deal or No Deal DVDs. Please help him.
This entry was posted in clothes, comedy, comic characters, fashion, humour, life observations, McQueen, relationships, Sunday Times. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to What Are You Wearing? An Homage to The Sunday Times supplements, part 2.

  1. Werner Margosian says:

    Leather jackets are very nice and comfy. I always use them whenever i go out in the open country. Black leather jackets are even nicer. ‘;””*

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