Dear Wordpretzels, it’s actually happened. There have been more than 2000 views of my blog, so, because I’m generous, I’ve decided to post a mid week special. Ooh, look at me, I’m so good.
Hang on, did I write that last bit out loud? It was supposed to be in my head.
You see, the thing is, I was persuaded to start writing a blog by my daughter, Miss Katherine, who helped set up the page. Well, when I say helped, I mean she set up the page and told me to write something funny.
“Read my dad’s blog!” she posted on Faceache, “he’s the funniest man on Faceache!”
Perhaps a bit of an exaggeration, but who am I to argue. Still, no pressure.
I also resisted Faceache.In fact was rather uncomplimentary about it, until somebody set up a page in my name for a laugh. Fortunately, they allowed me to take control. Being known as Randy Rural Spaceman was not the best description of me.
I was just about to close my account when I realised something. Writing my gags on Faceache meant I would reach a far bigger audience.
“You like to be the centre of attention,” Lady Barton St Mary said the other day.
“Oh, no, not really,” I replied, “why do you think that?”
“Well, for a start, when you partnered Frank in the log sawing competition at the village show, you were the first winner ever to do a lap of honour with your shirt pulled up over your head followed by a sliding swallow dive,” she countered.
“Ah, but the crowd loved it,” I smiled, holding my head high.
Lady BSM made a humming noise and made her way to the K word.
But that’s where my problem lies with blogging and social networking. I’m obsessed with the Wormpress statistics page. When I’m at home, it’s hard for me not to look every hour. I’m desperately searching for newer ways to promote my blog. I don’t have twaddle, but badger Miss Katherine to put my blog out on her account. I make sure it’s shared twice on my faceache page. Heck, if I thought it would help, I would parade naked with a large placard around the village to get publicity. It worked for Prince Harry.
Lady BSM allows me to do this because she thinks my blogs are sometimes funny. At least she always mentions how much I laugh at them (the problem is, sometimes I write things even I didn’t know I was going to write). She also believes that one day my writing will make a fortune and we’ll be able to completely renovate Randall Towers whilst she sits on a beautiful sofa watching Grand Designs, whilst eating handfuls of Ferrero Rocher.
But then I discover other blog writers who are brilliant. They have over a hundred followers and thousands of views. I then discovered a blog that was whimsical and cute, so I followed it. The consequent blogs were long (longer than mine – 3500 words), mainly about what she’d not eaten that day, how many new spots she had, whether her bum looked big in a tennis skirt and ultimately dull. Looking at her stats, she had started her blog in June, but had 2,216 followers and 48,581 views!!
I stopped following it. It really wasn’t for me. When me is a rabid, self publicising egotist who wants to be the centre of attention.
But I’ve written more than 30 blogs and I have 17 followers, most of whom are people who accidentally stumbled across my ramblings. Wormpress tell you to write for your audience, even if it isn’t squillions.
So I intend to continue towards 40 blogs, without worrying about the ‘Stats’ page. It’s time to put the ego to one side.
The new, humble me hopes that you continue to read and follow. Oh, if you could encourage one or two thousand of your friends to do the same, I’d be very grateful…