Well, smother me in tubas and call me Robbie. X-Factor.
Tonight they decided to have FUN on X-Factor. No, they didn’t invite Gary onstage for a romantic duet with Rylan, it was the band FUN, from New York. They’re geeky enough to join Hot Chip, can sing, play their instruments and move about. Oh, and write songs. Cowell must be so confused.
Dermot reliably held everything together.
“Here’s Tom Daley!” he proclaimed, pointing out the Olympic diver.
“He’s a big Rylan fan!”
Is this a euphemism?
Next up, the man himself, everyone’s favourite tone deaf showman, Robbie Williams, looking like a tipsy uncle at a wedding reception in tight purple shirt and waistcoat. Either Robbie’s becoming middle aged or he mistakenly put on Gary’s clothes in the dressing room. I found it comforting to see he was the same shape as me in my running gear. He gave a typical X -Factor performance, which means he sort of hit some of the right notes at the right time and hammed it up a lot, sitting on one poor man’s lap. The unfortunate chap shook his head, regretting the fact he hadn’t brought a gun with him. Robbie leapt to the stage to be confronted by a mirror. He looked slightly taken aback. It’s been years since he’s looked in a mirror that was vertical. In a flurry of bus tickets and red and black balloons, Robbie finished and wandered off the stage.
The contestants returned and went through including Rylan, who appears to be turning into Annie Lennox, leaving Jade Singlemum and Union J to ‘fight it out.’
Usual stuff. Union J wailed their way through their song, Jade belted out a good performance. Out went Jade, back to collect her daughter from the Cowell Orphan’s Home after she’s paid the bill. To be fair, Jade did have all the charisma of a Thunderbirds puppet.
By the way, I made a mistake earlier. District 9 were in the bottom two last week, not Other Direction. All other mistakes are made by the X Factor judges.
Until next time.