My Screw Has The X Factor

Well, stick my sunglasses down my shirt and call me Dermot. X Factor.

So, to Wemberley. (Those with a yes vote in bold).

Sam Bailey, the singing prison officer kicked off with a gutsy performance. Her entire family wore ‘Team Bailey’ t shirts.

“My wife has the X Factor,” said his. Once Darth Cowell has signed her up, fixed her face, stuck her in a gym for 8 hours a day for 6 months and given her a big fat advance, he’ll no doubt be wearing a “My ex-wife has the X Factor” t shirt.

Sad Hannah – she was sad. But good. I’m waiting for the tabloids to dig the dirt.

Stop smiling. You're supposed to be sad.

Stop smiling. You’re supposed to be sad.

 

Luke Beiber. Britnell – turns out he was Beiber. He was crap.

Alajandro Fernandez – cheeky, smiley, sing in Spanish orgasmatron. Gary hates him, obviously. Darth Cowell must have nearly choked on his own saliva.

Fil from Maidenhead – he’s 30. He lives with his mum and dad. He was ordered to be nastier. As Denis Healey once famously said of Geoffrey Howe, it was like being savaged by a dead sheep. Awfil. Bye, Fil.

Jerrie Dila – pronounced Geri, as in Halliwell. But her voice was just as good, in that it wasn’t. Jerrifying, as Nicole might say.

Tamera Foster – former partner of Jerrie, singing a Whitney Houston song. Initially in the style of ‘Whitney after 4 lines of cocaine and a bottle of vodka’, in that she couldn’t remember the words. She returned to much acclaim. She could go far. Just avoid Bobby Brown, drug dealers and hotel bathrooms.

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About ruralspaceman

A man trapped inside a middle aged body still tries to be hip and trendy. Actually, no he doesn't. He says it as he sees it. as long as it's not too controversial. Living with his wife, Lady Barton St Mary, two children, Miss Katherine and Master Johnny in Randall Towers, he is constantly frustrated by the mechanisms of modern life and the issues raised by being the husband of a high flying executive and member of the aristocracy. All he wants is a quiet life and a full set of Deal or No Deal DVDs. Please help him.
This entry was posted in blog, blogging, blogs, comedy, comic characters, fashion, freshly pressed, gary barlow, humor, humour, life observations, louis walsh, music, Nicole Scherzinger, sharon Osbourne, wordpress, x factor and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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