X Factor 3 – Jolly Hot to Molly

Well, show a picture of my pussy and call me Colin. X Factor.

As promised, I’ll keep it as brief as I can. You can fill in the gaps.

The auditions:

Chloe: Flatter than Norfolk. Judges loved her. We call this ‘The Westlife Effect’.

Barclay: Channelling Frank Ifield. There’s one for the teenagers.

Shelley: New Shouty Fairy. Think she went through. Lost interest.

Ryan: How could a bin man ever win a singing competition? Oh, hang on … Andrew Abraham…

Thomas : Pretty sure he had some form of high frequency autism. Let’s all laugh at him!

Stuart: Tree surgeon. Song butcher. Sounded like Barry Gibb being water boarded.

Abi: Ellie Gould on helium. Nice. Louis thought she wasn’t ready for this show. Go figure.

Colin: Looked scary. Carries a photo of his cat. May be a serial killer.

Jade: First of the previously dumped contestants. Meh.

Adele Amy: Adele! You’re back!

The Dolly Rockers: Jolly hot to molly Dolly Rockers. Older. Wiser. Well, older, anyway.


Dolly Rockers. Better luck this time?

Melanie McCabe: Cowell Death Star recidivist. She made Louis cry. But not in the way Westlife make me cry.

You may have noticed that I’ve left the best until last. She was Relly rather good (see what I did there? I could get a job with The Sun).

Relly : Monochrome haired cheerful brummy. Dudley’s answer to Mary J Blige. I’m being bold and saying she is this year’s winner, giving her the opportunity to be turned into a big diva, having musical differences and being dumped by Uncle Simon within a year, Matt Cardle style.

Almost live blog for arena auditions to follow.






About ruralspaceman

A man trapped inside a middle aged body still tries to be hip and trendy. Actually, no he doesn't. He says it as he sees it. as long as it's not too controversial. Living with his wife, Lady Barton St Mary, two children, Miss Katherine and Master Johnny in Randall Towers, he is constantly frustrated by the mechanisms of modern life and the issues raised by being the husband of a high flying executive and member of the aristocracy. All he wants is a quiet life and a full set of Deal or No Deal DVDs. Please help him.
This entry was posted in blog, blogging, blogs, comedy, comic characters, gary barlow, humor, humour, life observations, linguistics, louis walsh, Nicole Scherzinger, sharon Osbourne, simon cowell, wordpress, x factor and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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