Well, airbrush me from X Factor history and call me Tulisa. X Factor.
Straight to it.
Shelley: The new Justin Lee Collins. Where to does that voice come from?
Jade: Doing an impression of Adele singing Amy Winehouse. Amy would be livid. The judges thought she didn’t connect with the audience, but that may be because she has the personality of a sideboard.
Dolly Rockers: Good. If you like sixth form reviews. Booted off. Lots of tears. Mascara slick holds up proceedings.
Melanie: Sang ‘Bulletproof’, made famous by ginger misery La Roux.
Tom the football coach: Sang with the passion of a Dyson upright. Four yeses.
Barclay : Oddally doddally aydally bod dilly yes.
Skank Hair: Still missed his name. Shouted. Went through. Mobbed by head lice.
Euphoria Girls: Stank the place out more than skank head. Awful band. Naturally, Louis loved them. Booted.
“Fair play, that one’s fit,” commented Master Johnny. That’s alright then.
Relly: Nearly blew it. My tip for overall winner probably didn’t help. Maybe she shouldn’t follow my blog so avidly.
Abi: Looks like Nana Mouskouri. Sounds like Ellie Gould. Little girl looks win through, but may drown kittens for a hobby. Allegedly.
Until next week. If I can be arsed.