Louis Likes Them. X Factor 5

Well change my life forever and call me James. X Factor.

Yes, yet again I’m sitting in front of a recording of X Factor (5)

Kingsland – over confident boy band with a bow tie and an ASDA hat on the back of the head.

“Louis likes them,” said Louis. Of course he does.

Brick City – Band  with alarming red trousers and a tea towel round the neck. Appear to be the most annoying band in the world. Until

Rough Copy turned up dddddddddddah dire. Prepositioned Louis. Result. Were two of them chefs??

Liddia and Ryan – A tie dye t shirt and a massive pair. Of ear rings. The clue was in the misspelled name. Shamazeshit. Ooo.

Proof that fake tan doesn't improve your voice.

Proof that fake tan doesn’t improve your voice.

” I’m fuming Ryan. I’m off t’ Voice.”

Even I’m not that desperate.

Giles Potter – life being lived by his pushy parents, who may well be serial killers. Likable. Walsh dribbling. Went through, which was good. Otherwise Gary would be in a basement somewhere, tied upside down with a billiard ball in his mouth.

Lydia Lucy – “My mum taught me to sing at 6. But she couldn’t sing.” Which explained her voice. Went through.

“She just hasn’t found herself yet,” said Sharon. I haven’t found myself either, since I can shout out of tune too.

Nicholas McDonald – Sexteen. Rubbish at school. Meh. Bored yet?

Stephanie Woods – previous Cowell slave camp possible. Better than Scratch Woods. Never sing with your eyes closed. Especially in front of Sharon. You never know what she could do. Tears, hugs, outpourings of fake tans and botox.

Samantha Harper – a cross between Ertha Kitt and Blubottle from The Goons.

J-KodaRoy Orbison on MCat. Nope.

Aron Dale – Wants to be Harry Styles. If Harry Styles couldn’t sing a note. And had a personality like a wardrobe.

Souli Roots – or Heather.

“Do you think she’s smoked too much cannabis?” enquired Lady BSM.

“She’s good, just – mental,” commented Miss Katherine.

She’s original, different, something not safe. Cowell would hate it, so Gary hates it.

“Louis loves her.” Of course he does.

The new Wagner?

James McDonald – Cry baby crooner with a Greggs habit. Gets a yes.

Louise Harper – better than Samantha. But not much. Big hug from her future ex-husband if she makes it.

Next of Kin – a band of brothers.

“How long have you been together?” asked Louis. Good grief.

They used to be signed to Universal Records, did a Smash Hits magazine tour. The complete nemesis of musical evolution. Kill them, kill them now.

Cowell mind melded judges went into melt down.

Were the Sex Pistols all in vain?

More X Factor to follow. If I can repair the telly I just kicked in.






About ruralspaceman

A man trapped inside a middle aged body still tries to be hip and trendy. Actually, no he doesn't. He says it as he sees it. as long as it's not too controversial. Living with his wife, Lady Barton St Mary, two children, Miss Katherine and Master Johnny in Randall Towers, he is constantly frustrated by the mechanisms of modern life and the issues raised by being the husband of a high flying executive and member of the aristocracy. All he wants is a quiet life and a full set of Deal or No Deal DVDs. Please help him.
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2 Responses to Louis Likes Them. X Factor 5

  1. LillianC says:

    I’ve never seen this show, but the precise detail of your characterizations give me good clear mental pictures. You’d make a good reviewer, the only problem being reviewers can’t tell the whole baldfaced truth or they’d get lynched.

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