Even More Tales of TechNOlogy

It was digital training time at (almost) voluntary work. Here is a list of things I learned:

Don’t bother sending a list of training requirements formulated from a large cross section of work colleagues. It will be screwed into a tiny ball and thrown into the wastepaper basket so as not to interfere with a bog standard training programme.

Technology, like sex, is subjective. Almost everybody does it, with varying degrees of success. Some people are self appointed experts, but, when challenged, turn out not to be that good at all. A  small select group of people really are experts, knowing how to use their equipment to do amazing things, but unable to show those who can’t or don’t understand how to do it like they do.

Digital Trainers – don’t stand in front of the projector. It makes your trainees feel a bit rude, trying to read the words emblazoned on your front. Fortunately, wearing a black shirt helps to reduce this embarrassment as trainees attempt to read the few sentences on your neck and face. After starting the training with an explanation of why you shouldn’t get cross with learners or frustrated with the software, it’s best not to shout “Why are you still on that?” and exclaim “It doesn’t work on this bloody thing” later on.

Blended learning – where lessons are complemented with things on the inter web your learners could look at if they weren’t on faceache or Candy Crush. Or if they could afford a computer.

Woodwork teachers – never, ever, invite them on digital training.The only thing they hate more than computers is paperwork. Ditto anybody born before 1950.

People who loudly profess to embrace all technology and find it exciting – they’re lying and have obviously never really used it to any great depth.

Augmented Reality – a form of blended learning which involves pointing an iPhone at a picture of a cat and saying ,“It worked this morning.”

The Virtual Learning Environment is a mysterious and foreboding interweb place. Anybody who attempts to search this deadly portal is eventually trapped in a virtual maze that ultimately denies you access to all its enticing secrets. Like an extreme religious cult, it continues to exist due to the dedication of a handful of fanatics.

Quiz/Voting Websites -There is no such thing as too many quiz/voting websites.

If all the online aids have trouble working in a wi-fi enabled area, it will be a tad difficult to use it in a church hall in the middle of nowhere.

This emoticon means ‘triumphant’.

Yeah triumphant. It's obvious when you know, isn't it?

Yeah triumphant. It’s obvious when you know, isn’t it?

Who would have thought? Next time I’m triumphant I’m going to use it in the virtual world. In real life, I’m going to blow my nose without  a handkerchief, like a professional footballer does.

Technology will be great in about 5 years’ time, when it has caught up with all these bright ideas and I’m on the brink of retirement. Cheers, then.


About ruralspaceman

A man trapped inside a middle aged body still tries to be hip and trendy. Actually, no he doesn't. He says it as he sees it. as long as it's not too controversial. Living with his wife, Lady Barton St Mary, two children, Miss Katherine and Master Johnny in Randall Towers, he is constantly frustrated by the mechanisms of modern life and the issues raised by being the husband of a high flying executive and member of the aristocracy. All he wants is a quiet life and a full set of Deal or No Deal DVDs. Please help him.
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One Response to Even More Tales of TechNOlogy

  1. thomas peck says:

    Ah, the joys of tech! My Dad (82) just rants at it – the TV, the phone ( and I don’t even mean a mobile let alone a smart phone, horror!) and then there’s the computer. He’s chosen to hate it and that’s an end to it… He feels that the world is passing him by. It’s tough.

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